Prayer: Only Happy with You

Father, I’m humbled before You this morning. I’m silent now, for a little while. I’m sitting still to listen.

I feel detached from Your presence Lord, but I know I need You. I’m afraid You have forgotten me, but I know that’s not true. I’m worried I’m too late in spending time with You, but I know You will never leave.

I pray that You don’t leave me. I don’t know why this makes me weep so much, or why I fear such a thought. To think that my daughter would ever be worried about me leaving her is the most ridiculous far-fetch fear. How much more is that for me to You.

i just feel so unworthy Dad. I feel like such a failure to You. I never live up to Your expectations. I always do something, think something, want something, calculate something that is against You, every day. At best I would call myself a traitor of You. So, I carry this looming fear You will find out or that one day You draw the line and say You’ve had enough.

Dad, I want to be real with You. I fail You. All the time. I don’t know why I do what I do, but I do it, a lot. And I think terrible thoughts, a lot. I get jealous, I get mad, I get scared, I get stressed out, I get a lot of things twisted up Lord.

You have got to be disappointed in me. You know all things. I don’t want to be punished, I know You could and I am scared of You punishing me. I think I’m right with You, but I worry You are tired of my ways.

Father, the most off based thought about me is that I keep forgetting the blood of Christ. But praise God You only see the blood. I’m so worried about what you see with me, but You just see the blood. I’m so worried about not meeting Your expectations, but You are satisfied with the blood.

Father, I ask You reveal more of Your mercy and satisfaction with the blood to me. I ask that You just touch me to know and reckon what the blood means for me. I can’t seem to keep this in mind Father, and I know when i don’t reckon the blood, that’s when I become inactive and passive in Your kingdom. That’s when the enemy tears me up. That’s when I am defeated. That’s not what You called me out for Father - I know this!

Praise You Father for the blood of the Holy Lamb and for the speaking of the Spirit to me. Thank You Father for taking Your time to meet with me and speak with me. Yes Father, I just realized You are not restricted with time, You have all the time in the world for me. Thank You Dad, I’m glad You are happy with me. I’m happy with You too.

in fact Dad, I’m only happy when I’m with with You.